Yesterday more kids had colds. The last time I left my little Miss B. alone in her room, she wreaked havoc in there. This time, I left a slightly older sister with her, but one with RAD too. I thought perhaps the older one would keep an eye on Miss B. and all would be well. I know it is easier to pull someone down a flight of stairs than to pull them up, but I pushed the thought out of my mind…mostly because I saw a day without having to be hyper vigilant about watching Miss B.

My mistake.

By the end of the evening Miss B. had her sister doing all sorts of things that she NEVER does! I have no choice but to bring Miss B. out of her room so that I can supervise. I get so weary doing this and doing it alone most of the time. I HATE RAD and what it does to my children and to my life. I didn’t make this mess, yet I am the one who volunteered to clean it up! So…putting two RAD kids together and expecting them to choose to do the right thing is like putting two puppies together and expecting them to house break each other!!

Later on as I was reading my new local homeschool magazine I was struck by a sentence. The article was talking about living on one income and the blessings of limitations. The author was quoting Joni Earickson Tada who was discussing Philippians 1:12-14. “Now I want you to know, brothers, that what has happened to me has actually resulted in  the advancement of the gospel, so that it has become known throughout the whole imperial guard, and to everyone else, that MY IMPRISONMENT IS FOR CHRIST.”  I laughed out loud…my imprisonment is for Christ!!! All the weight of the burden that I feel is for Christ!! All of the RAD I deal with is for Him!! Doing it alone every day…is for Him!! This is all to some how further His kingdom…even with my shortcomings and my failures each day…it is all for Him!! My imprisonment is for HIM!

At that moment I saw just a slight glimpse of my mission here. I understood what I am doing here with all these children, alone. I don’t know how it is supposed to look in each situation with every child and I don’t understand why I am doing this alone. All I need to know is that this is all for Him.  Epiphany…revelation…hope.

Hope to face this new day and start again. Hope to dare to love those who can be unlovable and who will probably never love me in return.  Hope that the Lord I serve will be with me every step of the way, no. matter. what.

Hope!

This entry was posted on Wednesday, January 4th, 2012 at 5:30 am and is filed under Adoption, Discipline, Family, Handicaps, Order, R.A.D.. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. Both comments and pings are currently closed.